I’ve now realized that I should probably give some context to the reviews that are popping up on the site. So let me just do that now:
The whole crew here are functioning adults with full time jobs and other adult responsibilities. Because of that, we each value games, movies, and TV differently. I’m going to speak only for myself for the majority of this post, but the general scoring of reviews is going to remain fairly static for all of us, I would imagine.
On this site, I use the tried and true 5 star scoring. No half stars. No six stars. Now, I can’t force the rest of the crew to follow suit, but if they waver I WILL whine and complain.
As for myself, I picture the scoring of whatever is being reviewed to be informed by two key categories: Time and Money. After all, just about every CONSOOM-able thing these days takes both of these things.
So here’s the breakdown:
No Stars
This score is reserved for absolutely abominable pieces of garbage. It isn’t worth your time or your money in any conceivable plane of existence. If you see this attached to some review and it happens to be a review of something you like, I hate you.
One Star
This is the Terrible score. There might be one speck of gold somewhere, but you will have to wade through an entire mountain of shit to find it. It is most definitely not worth your time, nor your money.
Two Stars
Two Stars = Bad. Perhaps there are some glimmers of hope present, but they are heavily outshone by glaring issues. For you, this means that it is likely not worth your time or money.
Three Stars
It’s okay. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It is completely lukewarm. It didn’t excite me, nor did it revolt me. It’s alright. It may or may not be worth your time or money.
Four Stars
Four stars are reserved for the good things in life. Things to look forward to. Things to enjoy. Sure, there might be a couple issues here and there, but taken as a whole it is a positive experience. It’s likely worth your time and money.
Five Stars
This is the big one. The Holy Grail. The pièce de résistance. The magnum opus. Five stars? From THE TALK SHOPPE? If you come across this you know what is being reviewed is perfection given form. The best of the best of the best. Nothing can compete. Nothing even comes close. This is ambrosia.
So there you have it. That is the scale. Now all you have to do is sift through the meme reviews for the real ones. Good Luck!
